Tuesday, March 4, 2008
meet tonia dunbar....miracles do happen
Miracles Do Happen......Meet Tonia Dunbar And Her Little Boy Tommy by John Carcerano. 15 years ago when I was still new in my recovery from alcoholism I happened upon a woman whom had the nicest smile and such a warm personality. She seemed good hearted. But what became clear about her quickly was that she was an addict. Her name is Tonia Dunbar. She had an addiction to crack cocaine that destroyed her stable life and caused her to give custody of the two children she loved to her mom. Thank goodness for the children. She was lost, and the only thing that kept her mind from focusing on her problems was crack cocaine. From 1994 until 2004 she was a hardcore street addict. If you had an encounter with her while she was using, however brief, you came away with the impression that she was a genuinely good person, but one with deep troubling issues. The first 6 months I knew her, our encounters were brief. I would often see her on the streets of Evanston Illinois, and she would sometimes ask me for $5 or $6 dollars. I never asked her what she needed it for, but she seemed down and out, and all she really wanted was a little help. So I helped her once in a while and would give her a few bucs. She told me she lived in the neighborhood. As I've said, I'd known Tonia 6 months and only saw her sometimes. Then one evening in the middle of a cold Chicago winter where the temperature was -20 degrees, I went to my car to go somewhere. when I got to my car I soon realized that I had left the doors open. Inside was a person sleeping without any blankets. It was Tonia. I felt so bad to see her there cold and it quickly dawned on me that she was homeless. I lived in a little studio apartment in the house of my elderly landlord. I worried about bringing her to my home for fear my landlord would get the wrong impression. I spent my last $50.00 to get Tonia a hotel room so she could spend a warm quiet night. I picked up some grapefruits and other snacks and food for her to eat because I was sure she was hungry. Tonia had a size 26 waist. I knew this because I gave her a clean pair of my good jeans which were size 28, and they kept falling off of her so I also gave her my only belt. I remember the look on her face when we first walked into that warm hotel room. She quickly took off her old gym shoes and excitedly ran to the bed and got under the warm covers. She fell right to sleep. I would wake her periodically to feed her. And she would eat a little bit then quickly doze off again. She often would fall asleep with food still in her mouth. I had to wake her to tell her to swallow her food so she wouldn't choke. If ever I would leave her for even a half hour , I'd check on her and would always have to wake her to tell her to swallow her food. I felt like I was her father. But I also felt happy that someone could be there for her, to comfort her. It was obvious she was hurting. I had a lot of issues going on in my own life about the time I happened upon Tonia, but I just seemed so focused in wanting to help her become stable again and for her to quit using. It was a stormy 10 years of up and down crisis's working with Tonia, a story which I will detail briefly as part of several stories which are included in my upcoming book titled "A NEW JOURNEY.com, RECOVERY FROM ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTION". I will detail the steps Tonia took to quit her ravaging addiction. By 2005 Tonia did give up her crack cocaine addiction, and it was motivated by her love of a child she would go on to have while she was addicted. Rather than give up the child to the state, the love for that child was a key factor in her getting clean. And the fact that Tonia gave up her hardcore addiction for the love of her newly born child just attests to the kind and wonderful person that Tonia really is. She has had about 5 brief slips while in recovery for the during the past 5 years, but thank GOD that none of those slips led to full blown relapse. I remember when the state was about to take her child, she was crying and very distraught. she told me with such beautiful force and conviction "I don't care what I gotta do, I am going to do it. They are not gonna take Tommy! I will jump through every hoop they (the state) ask me to, but I'm gonna keep Tommy. Whatever they tell me to do, I'm just gonna do it". It was so wonderful seeing Tonia make that decision, and I am so proud of how far Tonia has come. She has even found herself a wonderful boyfriend who is also far in his recovery, and at this writing they are engaged. The ups and downs of Tonia's recovery were not easy for her, or those around her. But somehow everyone in Tonia's life helped Tonia pull herself together and find a new life in recovery for her and her beautiful little boy Tommy. There were two times that had I not intervened, Tommy surely could have wound up in a foster home. But knowing Tonia's conviction, I am sure that had that happened, she would have prevailed and ultimately be where she is today, and that's together with her little boy. Her family, especially her daughter also played a key role during some turbulent times in order for Tommy to remain with his family and with Tonia. So addiction recovery is something no-one can do alone. Support from family and friends is critical, along with the desire of the person addicted to make a hard decision and then look for the grace to follow through and make the necessary changes. You are not alone when you decide to get help to quit an addiction. There are wonderful people and support groups to help guide you. if you are suffering from an addiction you too can be a beautiful success story like Tonia's. I am Tommy's Godfather, I baptized him in the church of the hospital he was born in with the help of the church priest and have completely supported his every needs since the day he was born. I love Tommy and treat him as a son. To me, he is my son. The last time I recently saw saw Tommy was yesterday. I was going to bring him his McDonalds happy meal. He didn't even know that I was going to bring him McDonalds. He was on his front porch with his relatives (Tonia is still in long term treatment) and when he had seen me, his face lit up and he came running yelling "Johnny Johnny" and he jumped up and gave me such a strong hard hug. You cannot put a price on moments like that. it seemed all the continuing effort was well worth this little boys happiness and stability. Thank GOD for everybody who playing a role in the outcome of this beautiful story. And thank GOD for the conviction of Tonia to make the decision to make all of this happen. By John Carcerano http://www.newjourneyrecovery.com/
